New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
