He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
