so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
