Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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