Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
