I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
