Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
