not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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