I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
