the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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