Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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