She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
