She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
my being single is dangerous.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
