Where is the hickey?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
