I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
