I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
