Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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