her vagina looked like bernie madoff
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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