So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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