As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
