I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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