okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
