Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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