Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
