I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
