I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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