I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
