i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
