Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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