New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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