True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
