I wish my penis had an off switch
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
