Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
