I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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