The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
