the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
