Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
