wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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