Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
