Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
