how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
