Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I party with great urgency now.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
