nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
