i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
