Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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