the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
