you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
