I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
