Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
