I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
So squirting runs in the family.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
