There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I want her autograph on my taint
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
