I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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