I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
