Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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