i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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