man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
