I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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