I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
